Again, this post is all about the boob...and it's a LONG one. Please ignore it if you're not interested.
physically, emotionally, mentally....OY. If you didn't see my previous post, we've had some serious issues in the breastfeeding department over the past two weeks. And, it really hasn't gotten much better. *sigh*
I knew something was seriously wrong and I needed to do something about it when feeding Bella really started to feel like a chore, and I was dreading it every time. I would literally feel sick to my stomach before each feeding with the anticipation of not knowing how she was going to react while nursing. Is she going to latch on? How long will she latch for? Is she going to pull off and start screaming now? If she does start screaming, will I be able to get her to latch back on and finish the feeding, or am I going to have to defrost a bottle of frozen BM (breastmilk)? If you couldn't tell...it's been torture.
I've been so emotionally drained by the end of each day. I've been so stressed about all of this, and it's on my mind 24/7. I can sit here and cry just *thinking* about not being able to nurse Isabella anymore. It makes me SO incredibly sad that it hurts my heart. I know some people may think I'm being dramatic or over-reacting (which, I probably would have thought of myself before I had a baby) I just love my little girl so much, and I love breastfeeding her just as much. It just feels so right to me, and it's such a special time spent just the two of us. I can't imagine having to give that up.
I finally decided that something needed to be done (after Googling and searching every. single. website. out there to see if I could pinpoint the problem and how to fix it), and we needed to get some help. So, I called a lactation consultant that a lot of friends had recommended and made an appointment for this morning. We ended up being there for over two hours, and it was so great! The woman that we saw was so nice and super helpful. It really is amazing how much there is to know/learn about breastfeeding. I'm SO glad I went to see this woman, and we now have a 'game plan' as to how I should feed Bella for the next few weeks.
Come to find out, within 10 minutes of us being there, she was able to tell me that Isabella is only in the 15th percentile in weight for breastfed babies (apparently there's different scales of growth for breastfed babies vs. formula. Who knew!) For some reason, she started only really getting the watery skim milk while feeding, and not eating long enough to get to the fatty/creamy part of the milk that contains most of the calories. So, while the 'skim milk' is filling her up enough to feel somewhat satisfied...it's not giving her all the nutrients and calories for her to really grow and stay energized. (Of course, when she tells me this, I am overcome with mommy guilt, and I feel like I've been starving my baby for the past month or so...even though I didn't know it. :-( I just feel so awful.)
Because of this, Bella's become very discombobulated (her exact words) at the breast, and needs to be 're-booted' all over again on how to enjoy nursing and be efficient at it. So, for the next few weeks, I need to bottle feed her the pumped breastmilk that I have, to make sure she's getting enough of the calories she needs to get a little chubbier. :-) Then, we'll start working on nursing again, when she's ready for it and on her schedule. (She's already calling the shots around here! lol) Apparently, the more babies (and mommies) are stressed out and fighting at the breast, the more they'll pull away and shut it out completely...which I definitely don't want happening! So, now we'll just go from here and take things slowly. The most important thing to me is making sure my baby is healthy and happy, and I plan on doing that, no matter what it takes!
Sooooo, that's what been going on in my life, in a nutshell. Sorry that explanation ended up super long, and I appreciate it if you've gotten this far! :-)
Oh yeah, AND, if things aren't stressful enough right now...I go back to work in a week and a half. Definitely dreading and sick to my stomach over that day. I can't even think about it. Can't we just win the lottery or something?! Seriously.
7 comments:
I'm so glad you have a game plan now and that the lac consultant was so helpful! Hoping things go much easier for you guys. I totally understand the wanting to cry when you think you might have to quit nursing! I've been there, and it's horrible!
Oh Momma I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm glad the LC was able to help you out. I hope that this will help Isabella and you'll be back to your old ways soon :)
I'm glad you finally have a plan, although I know it's probably so hard to have to halt the BFing, even for a little while.
I feel you on going back to work! I actually go back part-time starting next week. I only have to go in once a week (the 24th and the 1st) but then I have to bill at least 20 hours each week, so it means working from home quite a bit (b/c that'll be easy...yeah right!). I'm DREADING it!!
You are doing great and a big hats off to you for getting help and not quitting!!!!! =). You are a great mommy for wanting to keep that bond with her and doing what you can to keep it!
I'm glad you went and got some help and now have a game plan. I don't think you're overreacting at all and I think most moms would be upset too!
I can't believe you have to go back to work in a week and a half! Time is flying! I know that is going to be difficult for you, but it will be OK!
I'm glad you were able to get some advice! Good luck, girlie!
Aw I'm glad you went to see the specialist my heart hurts just reading about it! I'm glad you found out what will help hopefully that's the trick! Good luck!
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